The smartest of a million sperm?!
After the whole rigma role of getting all my documents ready, standing in the queue tanning in the madras heat (phew!) I went on to get my US visa.. but at the interview queue, my attention started to wander due to the laughable and outright hilarious stories of why people wanted to go the the US..
a few excerpts..
(I'm standing for my interview in a queue n look to my left where an interview is going on.. the consular is very charming n very sweet with her questions, n she asks this lady about her story)
American Consular (AC): Hi! Good morning! How r u doin today?
Indian Lady (IL): Fine.. thank you..
AC: Could I see ur passport plz?
IL: Ya.. sure
AC: So.. ma'am .. y do u want to go to the US?
IL: I want to visit a person there (Person?? Wat the hell person?? it could b a psychotic nutjob who eats berries for a living.. or it could be Jennifer bloody Lopez.. could u b more vague?)
AC: Oh! U have relatives there?
IL: No, shes a friend of mine
AC: Oh ok! Is she from India?
IL: No
AC: Is she a citizen of the United States?
IL: Yes
AC: Oh ok.. Has she been to India before?
IL: No
AC: How did u meet her?
IL: I haven't (Wat?!! Unless its ur alter ego that u r just dreaming about madam, ur chances seem to be going down faster than booze thru an alcoholic's throat)
AC: Wait.. U haven't met her personally?
IL: No
AC: (Ya this is the time the AC is thinking "I'm not paid enough to do this" and I'm thinking "Oh u poor thing.. U shud have stayed for longer in bed this morning") Then how did u get to know about her?
IL: I met her in a chat room (Holy guacamole batman!! for all u know.. u might have been talking to a fat ugly guy who eats people like u for breakfast.. or mayb u shud have been granted the visa.. so that u get eaten for breakfast!)
AC: I see that u have applied for a US visa in Sept. Y was it refused then?
IL: Same reason (This is the friggin' heights! U woman u! U used the same damn reason again??! did u think its like some kinda bloody good luck charm which will make George Clooney himself come n kiss u n escort u personally??)
AC: Ma'am ur position has not changed since the last time. The US regulation is very strict and u donot qualify for US visa at this time
(Me: Aah! Theres justice in the world again!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, these guys, a couple, middle aged aheada me in my queue
AC: Y do u want to visit the US?
Indian Man of the Indian couple (IM): To visit my daughter
AC: How many children do u have?
IM: One child. One daughter.
AC: How old is she?
IM: 23 and 18 (Now this is a classic case of sperm in a bottle.. Hes using the dynamic nature of the sperm to fertilize his wife at sight! This guy has to be appreciated! n guess wat else? Instant delivery of children too.. FedEx shud think abt this)
AC (confused): How many children do u have?
IM: 2 children
AC: But u said u had just one child?
IM: One daughter in the US (How many meanings of the sentence "How many children do u have?" did u find mr Indian man?)
AC: Y r u going to the US? (aah! the test! consistency)
IM: My daughter wants to study there.. V have to see the universities (Better yet dude.. I think v can bring the university here itself.. u have heard abt physical relocation thru email havent u?)
AC (I'm paid lesser than the other woman to do this): Sir, U r changing ur story. U donot qualify for the US visa
(Me: CAT Scan has to be made cheaper for Indians)
Talking about survival of the fittest and the best of the millions surviving.. i wonder how these ppl who were attending the interview.. were the smartest of the million sperm?
a few excerpts..
(I'm standing for my interview in a queue n look to my left where an interview is going on.. the consular is very charming n very sweet with her questions, n she asks this lady about her story)
American Consular (AC): Hi! Good morning! How r u doin today?
Indian Lady (IL): Fine.. thank you..
AC: Could I see ur passport plz?
IL: Ya.. sure
AC: So.. ma'am .. y do u want to go to the US?
IL: I want to visit a person there (Person?? Wat the hell person?? it could b a psychotic nutjob who eats berries for a living.. or it could be Jennifer bloody Lopez.. could u b more vague?)
AC: Oh! U have relatives there?
IL: No, shes a friend of mine
AC: Oh ok! Is she from India?
IL: No
AC: Is she a citizen of the United States?
IL: Yes
AC: Oh ok.. Has she been to India before?
IL: No
AC: How did u meet her?
IL: I haven't (Wat?!! Unless its ur alter ego that u r just dreaming about madam, ur chances seem to be going down faster than booze thru an alcoholic's throat)
AC: Wait.. U haven't met her personally?
IL: No
AC: (Ya this is the time the AC is thinking "I'm not paid enough to do this" and I'm thinking "Oh u poor thing.. U shud have stayed for longer in bed this morning") Then how did u get to know about her?
IL: I met her in a chat room (Holy guacamole batman!! for all u know.. u might have been talking to a fat ugly guy who eats people like u for breakfast.. or mayb u shud have been granted the visa.. so that u get eaten for breakfast!)
AC: I see that u have applied for a US visa in Sept. Y was it refused then?
IL: Same reason (This is the friggin' heights! U woman u! U used the same damn reason again??! did u think its like some kinda bloody good luck charm which will make George Clooney himself come n kiss u n escort u personally??)
AC: Ma'am ur position has not changed since the last time. The US regulation is very strict and u donot qualify for US visa at this time
(Me: Aah! Theres justice in the world again!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, these guys, a couple, middle aged aheada me in my queue
AC: Y do u want to visit the US?
Indian Man of the Indian couple (IM): To visit my daughter
AC: How many children do u have?
IM: One child. One daughter.
AC: How old is she?
IM: 23 and 18 (Now this is a classic case of sperm in a bottle.. Hes using the dynamic nature of the sperm to fertilize his wife at sight! This guy has to be appreciated! n guess wat else? Instant delivery of children too.. FedEx shud think abt this)
AC (confused): How many children do u have?
IM: 2 children
AC: But u said u had just one child?
IM: One daughter in the US (How many meanings of the sentence "How many children do u have?" did u find mr Indian man?)
AC: Y r u going to the US? (aah! the test! consistency)
IM: My daughter wants to study there.. V have to see the universities (Better yet dude.. I think v can bring the university here itself.. u have heard abt physical relocation thru email havent u?)
AC (I'm paid lesser than the other woman to do this): Sir, U r changing ur story. U donot qualify for the US visa
(Me: CAT Scan has to be made cheaper for Indians)
Talking about survival of the fittest and the best of the millions surviving.. i wonder how these ppl who were attending the interview.. were the smartest of the million sperm?
posted by Karan at 12:15 PM
3 comments
